newpeermin

 

• Introduce self, using his or her name, and state that everyone is welcome.
• Paraphrase one of your cultural elements.
• Share a personal reason for attending youth ministry events.

As much younger youth worker, I had a dream; well, perhaps it was more of a prayer: I wanted a church that was mission oriented and responsive to the faith development of needs of the family. These days one might use the label “intergenerational”. At the time this prayer seemed more like asking for a miracle or at least a far-fetched, improbable dream. I mean, how does one find such a congregation? Once found, what kinds of programming does one develop that can change the culture of a congregation?

Long story made short, in 1997, I did find that congregation; Augustana Lutheran Church in West St. Paul, MN. 

Augustana is a mission focused, ridiculously generous, and service-oriented congregation that truly makes a difference in the world. 

Early on, I began to talk with other youth ministry leaders about various programs and ministry opportunities that might help accomplish some of the goals we had as a congregation which led us to try a program called Lenten Mentoring. 

For Augustana, the rest is history. Lenten Mentoring was received with great enthusiasm by the entire congregation. This one single ministry quadrupled attendance at midweek Lenten worship services; reached to the highest levels of congregational leadership, directly involving church council members (and even a Senior Pastor) in Youth and Family Ministry; drew previously inactive adults back into the church and did wonders to break down the barriers between the young and old in the congregation.

In these days of uncertainty for the church, when young people seem to be disassociating with organized religion in record numbers, we continue to champion the opportunities the Lenten Mentoring program provides for the young and old to share the journey of faith.

As we prepare for the 18^th year of this remarkable ministry, we are just as excited now as we were in the beginning. 

While it is difficult to provide a concise summation of how it works, here goes nothing: 

Each Confirmation student is sent a packet of information that includes the details such as dates, times and an adult mentor job description. They then seek an adult mentor and turn in that name by the specified date. Adult mentors are invited to one of several orientation sessions prior to the beginning of the mentoring experience which happens on Ash Wednesday and then continues for 5 weeks, ending just prior to Holy week. In our program, Lenten Mentoring replaces Confirmation classes on Wednesday evenings,which are immediately followed by mid-week Lenten Worship services. Our leadership team provides an introduction to the topic along with a discussion guide, after which mentor pairs are sent off for more in-depth, faith-based discussions.

To be sure there is much more to this ministry than this brief description conveys but these are the basics. 

As a veteran of over 35 years in youth ministry, all I can say is that I have never been involved with anything that has accomplished so many of my goals for ministry which, for the most part, are centered around developing mature Christian adults. 

I realize this may not work in other ministry settings; most programs do not transfer easily to other congregational cultures, but I want to close by encouraging interested leaders to consider some of the benefits we have experienced at Augustana as a result of the Lenten Mentoring ministry.

Blessings;

Don Marsh

Director of Youth and Family Ministry

National Peer Ministry Trainer and Family Therapist

I was in my 5th year of ministry and 2nd year at a new church.  My wife and I had been married for 4 years and had a two year old daughter.  The ministry was growing, we had been able to hire another staff member, programs were healthy, our adult leadership team was equipped and growing, and youth were engaging in ministry at every level.  Things were going great!  Except that, I wasn’t doing great.  I was tired, grumpy, and negative about ministry and the church.  I was resentful of the time and energy I was giving.  But, I loved the ministry!  I loved the youth and families I was serving, working with the adult team, and doing the strategic planning with our leadership team!  How could I be so in love with the work and ministry and yet have NO energy and enthusiasm to do it?  What was wrong with me?  Was I burned out?  Did I not love Jesus enough?  Was I not cut out or called to this vocation?  Was I depressed?  What was wrong with me?

I had heard quite a bit about burn-out and that the average stay of youth workers was anywhere from eighteen months to three years.  After two years at this new church, I was thinking that, maybe I was done.  Maybe Youth Ministry had chewed me up and spit me out and that I was now just another one of those statistics, and to me, at the time, that meant another failure, another youth minister that I couldn’t hack it in ministry.

So there it was!  I was done…  Burned-out and ready to jump ship!  Until, I read a journal article about “Compassion Fatigue”.  The concept was simple, and different from burn-out.  With compassion fatigue a person may feel depressed, lethargic, apathetic, overwhelmed much like the symptoms of burnout, but the distinction is that a person suffering from Compassion Fatigue still cares about the work and the people with whom they serve.  They are connected to the mission and vision of their vocation, but they don’t have the energy, spirit, or enthusiasm for it that had been there in the past.  Being able to name what was happening for me was incredible freeing!  The solution for burn-out is simple; move on, quit, find something else that restores meaning and purpose to life.  Knowing that what I was experiencing wasn’t burn-out opened up other options to me.  I wouldn’t have to quit to be able feel better.  I loved the ministry and was so glad that I wouldn’t have to leave to feel well, and whole again.  But I would have to address the fatigue I was feeling in order to do the ministry in a way that was fruitful and life giving for myself and the community in which I served.

So I got intentional about structuring ministry in a way that supported my well being and allowed the energy, passion, zeal, enthusiasm to return.  I created a “self care plan”.  I started clustering meetings so that I wasn’t at the church or coffee shop or athletic event or theater performance 5 nights a week.  My family became intentional about going on our own retreats.  I took a vacation with my family.  We didn’t go anywhere special, I just checked out from the ministry for a week.  I began to seek out professional growth opportunities, going to youth ministry conventions, workshops on ministry, or adolescent development, and spirituality.  I got serious about a Sabbath day!  I started networking with other youth workers to build support.  Together we not only challenged each other, and pushed each other to grow in ministry but also to step away to refresh and renew our spirits and do our self-care.  As I got intentional about taking care of myself I found resentments disappearing and my capacity for my work and most importantly, my compassion growing again. 

Youth Ministry Tool Kit:  As you evaluate for yourself what needs to be in your self-care plan, ask yourself:

What happens when all is not well? (A given in life.) Living well sounds right. A balanced life sounds good. Setting personal goals sounds professional. New Year’s resolutions sounds noble.

BUT, let’s be honest, living a completely balanced life is an unrealistic ideal. There are multitudes of  circumstances, systems, relationships, temptations, natural forces, and physical malfunctions all interacting with grinding frictions against my worthy plans. Reality? I have to live with an unbalanced life. I have to live in the midst of unwellness. I have to live, as a friend put it, “With a case of the normals!” Tough, friction-producing obstacles forcing me into tough choices, changes and challenges are really just part of normal life.

I am learning to understand that wellness is not the absence of illness, problems, or difficult times; rather, wellness is being in relationship with a graceful, loving God who understands that I don’t understand everything in life. One of the most graceful things that a church can do is to surround me with graceful, caring, relational faith friends who listen, encourage and affirm. My health or a relationship or my finances may not go as I planned. When the unpleasant normals ruin my well planned life in balance, I have people.

One of the best of God’s plans was to give us people, relational faith people. We call it the church, a group of people, each with a gift or two, but none of us completed enough to do life alone. Think about it. God gifts us, but as one young person explained to me, “That means God shorts us on all kinds of stuff.” It is as if God shorts us so that we must rely on each other. I think it may be God’s joke on us! Truth? I need others who have what I don’t. Life is meant to be lived with people, the body of Christ, the church, others on whom I can lean. Equipping people with relational faith friends, such as Peer Ministry Leaders, is a great way to prepare us for each other’s unplanned unbalances in life.

Wellness? Balance? These ideals end up skewed, out of line, described as, “A case of the normals.” Relational faith friends, my grace friends, remind me who I am and whose I am. To my grace friends, I have to say, (here comes the sappy movie line from Jerry Maguire…) “You complete me!”